Many times I sit and wonder why things seem to happen differently for me, up to the point where I’ve come to believe that I can’t and won’t get good things, and even if I do it’s a mistake or it just happened. I never believed I was good enough for anything, academically I wasn’t always sound, and I must say there are many other factors that came to play in my life that made me believe that, from my primary school teacher telling me that I was too dumb to pass my common entrance exam into Chrisland. That statement broke me, it still hurts me, writing about it now brings tears to my eyes because I really felt like I tried my best, only to have failed, and that was the beginning of a long streak of dislike for myself. This doubt for myself followed me through secondary school, where I was too scared to try anything new because I’m always scared of failing, but I am grateful to my parents because they made sure to remind of how special I was. One moment I would never forget was in my SS2, I wrote the JAMB exam and I remember being so scared of failing, I kept asking my mom “what if I fail?” and again, my teachers in school kept threatening to make me repeat my class making fun of me for even attempting to write such an exam because already I wasn’t academically sound, and the thought of me writing JAMB in SS2 sounded like a joke, I was terrified, but something my mom said to me that I still say to myself to this day “what if you pass” and guess what? I passed. I was so happy, I knew I worked for that, that is the only time I know I really worked hard for something and got it, no shortcuts, nothing, just me, I was proud of myself, I am still proud of myself for doing that.
EXPRESSIONS
Many times I sit and wonder why things seem to happen differently for me, up to the point where I’ve come to believe that I can’t and won’t get good things, and even if I do it’s a mistake or it just happened. I never believed I was good enough for anything, academically I wasn’t always sound, and I must say there are many other factors that came to play in my life that made me believe that, from my primary school teacher telling me that I was too dumb to pass my common entrance exam into Chrisland. That statement broke me, it still hurts me, writing about it now brings tears to my eyes because I really felt like I tried my best, only to have failed, and that was the beginning of a long streak of dislike for myself. This doubt for myself followed me through secondary school, where I was too scared to try anything new because I’m always scared of failing, but I am grateful to my parents because they made sure to remind of how special I was. One moment I would never forget was in my SS2, I wrote the JAMB exam and I remember being so scared of failing, I kept asking my mom “what if I fail?” and again, my teachers in school kept threatening to make me repeat my class making fun of me for even attempting to write such an exam because already I wasn’t academically sound, and the thought of me writing JAMB in SS2 sounded like a joke, I was terrified, but something my mom said to me that I still say to myself to this day “what if you pass” and guess what? I passed. I was so happy, I knew I worked for that, that is the only time I know I really worked hard for something and got it, no shortcuts, nothing, just me, I was proud of myself, I am still proud of myself for doing that.